Paid for Inactivity
Before heading out to teach lessons, I got a call from one of the store managers letting me know that my first lesson had cancelled, so I didn't have to come in at my regular time. I was quite appriciative, since sometimes they don't get around to calling.
I teach my first lesson, then find out that the other students have all called within the past couple of hours to cancel their sessions for today. So, for one half-hour of work, I get paid for five. It's a beautiful thing. It's nice to have a $100/hr wage, if even for a VERY short time. I wonder if it's too late to get into law...
Maturity is funny. If you had asked me four years ago, during my Master's Degree, if I thought I was mature, I would have said yes. If you asked me six years ago, in my undergrad, I would have said yes. If you had asked me 10 years ago, in high school, I would have said yes.
But what I say now is that I'm not. And never have been. Being mature and handling situations well, that's something I've not yet mastered. What I (and others) have mistaken for maturity is just a lack of willingness to involve myself with other people. My friends (and others) mistake being aloof for "being above it all." Many people persue deeper acquaintence with me because they feel that if I try so hard to be unsociable and use big words, that must be masking something worth knowing. I'm not so sure that was ever a smart gamble.
I can't say that I'm not worth knowing. This isn't a blog "cry for help" to try and solicit compliments. I can be vain just like everyone else. But don't believe that my personality makes it so; it's somewhat in spite of it. Luckily, improving myself can be a lifelong pursuit.
So, despite what I may have thought and said four years ago, I wasn't as mature then as I am now; and I still don't consider myself very far along that ladder. And to the me of 'now', the me of then just seems naive, inexperienced, stuck-up, and unneccesarily obtuse.
It's rather like concepts I've noticed in music. The more knowledge you have about how music works, the more critically you evaluate performances. I told someone that by learning how to accoustically tune in a duet setting, I was cursing them. No longer would they be able to listen to their own performances the same way. I had added a new level of how to listen to music, and that genie was now out of its bottle, never to return.
Unfortunately, this sort of personal knowledge comes with difficult costs. I become a little more mature by accepting that. Consequences for actions, and all that.
And that's the real paradox of experience. With all that I've learned, I could go back and do things better, but then I wouldn't have learned (and earned) that knowledge. That's fine: I don't regret that. I'm not fond of the idea of trading things that have already happened for something fantastially uncertain. The optomist in me is glad that I figure out things like this now, so I'm more prepared for the next time.
I teach my first lesson, then find out that the other students have all called within the past couple of hours to cancel their sessions for today. So, for one half-hour of work, I get paid for five. It's a beautiful thing. It's nice to have a $100/hr wage, if even for a VERY short time. I wonder if it's too late to get into law...
Maturity is funny. If you had asked me four years ago, during my Master's Degree, if I thought I was mature, I would have said yes. If you asked me six years ago, in my undergrad, I would have said yes. If you had asked me 10 years ago, in high school, I would have said yes.
But what I say now is that I'm not. And never have been. Being mature and handling situations well, that's something I've not yet mastered. What I (and others) have mistaken for maturity is just a lack of willingness to involve myself with other people. My friends (and others) mistake being aloof for "being above it all." Many people persue deeper acquaintence with me because they feel that if I try so hard to be unsociable and use big words, that must be masking something worth knowing. I'm not so sure that was ever a smart gamble.
I can't say that I'm not worth knowing. This isn't a blog "cry for help" to try and solicit compliments. I can be vain just like everyone else. But don't believe that my personality makes it so; it's somewhat in spite of it. Luckily, improving myself can be a lifelong pursuit.
So, despite what I may have thought and said four years ago, I wasn't as mature then as I am now; and I still don't consider myself very far along that ladder. And to the me of 'now', the me of then just seems naive, inexperienced, stuck-up, and unneccesarily obtuse.
It's rather like concepts I've noticed in music. The more knowledge you have about how music works, the more critically you evaluate performances. I told someone that by learning how to accoustically tune in a duet setting, I was cursing them. No longer would they be able to listen to their own performances the same way. I had added a new level of how to listen to music, and that genie was now out of its bottle, never to return.
Unfortunately, this sort of personal knowledge comes with difficult costs. I become a little more mature by accepting that. Consequences for actions, and all that.
And that's the real paradox of experience. With all that I've learned, I could go back and do things better, but then I wouldn't have learned (and earned) that knowledge. That's fine: I don't regret that. I'm not fond of the idea of trading things that have already happened for something fantastially uncertain. The optomist in me is glad that I figure out things like this now, so I'm more prepared for the next time.
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