Monday, October 28, 2013

Everyone and everything imaginable

Here's a YouTube video that contains a radio ad against same sex marriage in Hawaii. It's paid for by the Hawaii Republican Assembly SuperPAC.




A partial transcription:

"Some people think homosexual marriage in Hawaii will not affect them. If you are one of those people, please think again. The current push for homosexual marriage is not about marriage at all. That's right: the lie of so-called marriage equality is merely a stepping stone to have government forcibly legitimize and normalize all sorts of deviant behavior. Terrible consequences will affect everyone and everything imaginable, forever. Do you want schools to teach your five-year-old all about the gay/lesbian lifestyle, or have your child going to a school with gender-neutral bathrooms. Do you want your church forced to marry homosexuals? Do you want to see local business people repeatedly forced to violate their faith?"

Apocalyptic, right? I made it without laughing for at least three sentences, but one particular sentence just had me guffawing.

"Terrible consequences will affect everyone and everything imaginable, forever."

Now that is some serious business. Everything and everyone will be affected? FOREVER? Cats in Borneo? Bacteria in space? The works of Proust, when translated into Swedish? The mathematical implications of the quadratic equation? The color cyan? The rakish angle of Humphrey Bogart's homburg in "Casablanca?" My cell phone reception backstage at the Kauffman center? The pronunciation of the schwa sound in English?

ALL AFFECTED.
FOREVER.

My stars and garters! This really is dire.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

The Property of Water is to be Wet

During the lunch break for a rehearsal yesterday, I ate outside with the company of other musicians. It was a blustery day, but the temperature was right and the sun was full. I enjoyed basking for a bit, though the redness of my forehead and arms indicate I may have developed an October sunburn. I think the last one of those I had was a trip to Florida a year or two ago. Needless to say, I don't regret it.

The conversation turned to eating cute animals (veal, pigs, lamb) and one person mentioned koala, theorizing it must taste delightful. When koala was mentioned in an informal social context, a mechanism clicked in my brain. It caused me to say that a high percentage of koalas have gonorrhea as an STD. This fact had the desired effect, which was equal measures of disgust and interest, depending on the person.

I should correct that koala fact, because the koalas actually have chlamydia, not gonorrhea. The facts obviously got slightly jiggled in my brain.

Possessed of a Bitter Bile

BASSANIO
Do all men kill the things they do not love? 
SHYLOCK
Hates any man the thing he would not kill? 
BASSANIO
Every offence is not a hate at first. 
SHYLOCK
What, wouldst thou have a serpent sting thee twice?
--"The Merchant of Venice," Act IV, scene 1

Being an easy-going sort of fellow, I tend to group the people I encounter into a couple of groups: at the top, the various people I love, followed by the much larger group of people I wish well. That's basically everyone, which sounds like a terrible platitude. But the truth is that I generally don't worry too much about most people - they're doing fine on their own, so all that is required of me is to give them space to do it.

But there is a group of people at the bottom of the pile. The people I hate and avoid. It is a list which is quite small. How small? I have twenty fingers and toes, but I can count the people in this category using only one appendage.

Saturday, October 12, 2013

"I had no idea you were this tall when you were lying down."

NOTE: This entry has descriptions of an emergency room, blood extraction, and other bodily functions. If that displeases you, please skip this entry.


Tuesday the first of October was an interesting day.

Wednesday, October 09, 2013

"Rich she shall be, that's certain..."


"...wise, or I'll none;
virtuous, or I'll never cheapen her; 
fair, or I'll never look on her;
mild, or come not near me;
noble, or not I for an angel;
of good discourse, an excellent musician,
and her hair shall be of what colour it please God."

 -Much Ado About Nothing, Act II, Scene iii

I took the above shot in the parking lot of the library, while I was picking up my next book ("Jefferson Davis, American"). I was leaving the library and saw the moon, hanging in crescent shape just above the lights and horizon. And below it (between the tree and the tallest lamp) was a bright unwavering dot. A planet? Perhaps. Venus, shining in glory, it turns out. I don't think it's very visible in my photograph - cell phone cameras are not awesome.

Crossing to my parking spot, I opened the door and stood, practically transfixed. I sat down inside and closed the door, then started my camera. I opened the door again and stood outside, taking the quick shot you see above me. It doesn't really capture the majesty of the scene, but I wanted at least an inferior rendering for this entry.

Because while I was looking at that scene, I had a personal realization. It is an answer to a question that has dogged my steps my entire dating life: what do you want in a woman?

Monday, October 07, 2013

When life gives you lemonade, you... uhh... hmm.

For the last few years in Kansas City, I've been buying a local brand of lemonade. It's made by Anderson-Erickson Dairy. But wait a minute, I hear you cry. Cows don't produce lemons! That is very true. The dairy also makes orange juice, so maybe they've got a citrus plant on call.

Anyway, the first time I bought lemonade, I noticed they had two kinds: regular and "reduced sugar." Oh, I get it: diet lemonade. Sure. The first time, I purchased the reduced sugar kind because it was the one on sale, and I studiously buy things on sale from my local grocery. I can't afford to shop there otherwise.

It was everything I needed from a lemonade. It was sweet, it was cool and refreshing, and it tasted like it had at least been in close proximity to lemons. But after a couple of times buying the reduced sugar kind, the knowledge of forbidden fruit drinks tempted me. Was I one of those phony "dieters" who "watched what they ate?" Hell no, I'm not one of those weirdos!

Thursday, October 03, 2013

On the behavior of the population during the shutdown

[Reprinted from a Facebook post today (10/3/13)]

SOURCE: Congressman confronts park ranger over closed WWII memorial (NBC News)


Why would anyone berate the first park ranger they could find? Does *anyone* think the ranger had even the slightest say in a government shutdown? Is it only because there were TV cameras and cell phone videos? Does this play well with anyone anywhere? Do some unfortunate people see it as "the people's man" getting in the face of "the government," when it's actually an elected lawmaker (whose job is to make the government work) accosting a park ranger (whose job is to follow someone else's directives)?

I can already hear the responses: from GOP, what do you expect? From Texas, what do you expect? From Congress. A politician, what do you expect? Bullshit, all around. None of any of those classes of people deserve a cynical "lesser standard" handwave and a shortcut to pigeonholing. There are no excuses for asinine stupidity!

I don't care if it's Bill Cosby, Kim Jung-un, or the god-damned Pope perpetrating this nonsense: no human being should be allowed to be so feeble in their basic decency and reasoning.

And please keep to yourself the comments that either cheer me on or take me to task: if I could have closed the comments on this, I would have. I don't need reinforcement or censure, I don't need sources or surveys. I wouldn't even have posted this on Facebook, except that it's where I started typing.

I need people to think about the ideal that government and social communication is not a zero-sum winner-takes-all blood sport, and to take it to heart. This whole thing makes me want to vomit from frustration and fecklessness.