Irreconcilable Differences

An old friend of mine is getting a divorce. He was my first friend, being born at the same hospital as me in the same month. We hung out for 10 years or so, our friendship surviving both our families moving and being in different schools the entire time. His family was Catholic, and I was educated in public school. I never understood why that mattered, but after my parents explained that it cost money to go to Catholic school, I was content.

I haven't spoken to him in many years, and I don't really *know* him any longer. Which is to say that I don't know where he went to college, or what he majored in, or what he thought about the last presidential election. I did see him 4 years ago, while I was working at a store in St. Louis. He came into the St. Louis Bread Company in his policeman's uniform.

I would never have recognized his face. I noticed his name tag and the familiar last name. Could this be the same boy who watched "C.H.I.Ps" with me when we were seven? We had one of those friendly but restrained meetings, where we both recognize each other by reputation. It's strange seeing someone who your life used to revolve around every day, but seeing them years after breaking off all contact. We had no falling out. Just a last sleepover that never turned into a next-day play date.

Our parents are friends, so the indirect flow of news moves through them. A couple of years ago, he got married. This information brought a smile, along with a bit of regret that I hadn't kept better contact.

Then came the various news reports that spoke of troubles in the marriage. Not necessarily between the husband and wife, but certainly between the wife and my friend's mom. Ingratitude, snubbing, refusal to meet in the same places. General family strife, which culminated at the nadir with the son not even seeing his mother.

My mother wrote me to say they were seperated this month, and heading for divorce. My friend seems relieved.

I wish I knew the details. Something that might help me to see how the whole thing fits together. How could this happen? Why would someone marry a person who was so hostile to the family? Was she just super-sweet in all OTHER categories? Or maybe her personality changed once she wore the ring? Does marriage change some people THAT much?

Whatever the story, I chalk up another friend in the divorced column. This is the second person my age born inside of this month who's now divorced. It really helps in putting me into their shoes to know that we've had the same amount of time to get to the present day.

So, we all know about "better to have loved and lost", but is it also better to "have been married and move on"?