Andy and the DMV

I headed off to the Missouri Department of Revenue to renew my car license today. I live in Kansas, but my car and plates are still Missouri. The DOR had helpfully sent me registration papers along with the ability to renew over the Web. Super!

Only it didn't work. Part of the problem was that my car insurance is through State Farm, and there was no State Farm on the online list. Swell. This means doing what every American practices long and hard: waiting in line.

I determined that the closest Missouri DOR was in Lee's Summit, a town approximately 12 miles east of where I live. All interstate highway literally to the door of the DOR. Of course, there was road construction. And street sweepers. And accidents. And pulled-over speeders. So it took a while.

Stepping into the DOR, which on the outside resembles a free clinic, I was pleased to find not one but THREE wait-number dispensers. White tickets for new permits, green for renewals, and yellow for boat registrations. I took my green ticket, number 22, and saw that the board for green tickets says "Now Serving 22". How neat is that?

But there's no employees to show. They're all in a different room, and no one seems to be going anywhere. Has the beautiful system broken down? After 10 minutes of standing and watching Fox News report on the president's speech, a fire at a strip mall, and a dangerous driver in Florida, a woman emerges and says, "Anyone with green tickets follow me". Off we go.

She's a somewhat friendly lady, who was polite and smiled a little. "What do you need first," I asked, my hands filled with inspection slips and registration receipts. "I need for it to not be so hot," she responds. I laugh, because it's always a good idea to laugh at the person who has the stickers you need. "What do you need from the papers I have?" I respond.

"Geeze," she says. "I want the humidity to go down. It's all *bleccch* outside," she says while moving her arms and making an unsatisfied sound. I laugh again, even though that wasn't an answer to my question. Again, stickers needed.

As a result of her arms moving, I notice that her right hand is withered past the elbow. She has four fingers on that hand, with the most prominent being a thumb with a large french tip on the nail. She's relatively adept at using that hand for carrying papers and files, though it's too short to use the computer keyboard.

She certainly seemed to be adept at this particular brand of work. I thought about how that would effect my life. For starters, I'd have to completely relearn how to play the trombone, including altering the actual horn construction.

Into the DMV and out again inside of 45 minutes. I didn't have to find other forms, come back later, or even bargain. That, my friends, is why you always take care of your DMV business before the last week of the month. If not, be prepared to wait.

P.S. Quickly saying "Andy and the DMV" from the title is fun.