Neo-Victorian Prudism

You may be familiar with the Victorian Period and it's hyper-sensitivity to sexual topics. This was the same period that put tablecloths on those elaborately carved tables, because it was understood that gentlemen, upon seeing the shapely legs of tables would immediately think of women's legs. Thinking of women's legs, leads to thinking of sex, and thinking of sex leads to moral decay and the collapse of society. Simple! Too bad this important morality-watchfulness was left behind in the past.

But wait, ultra-conservative al-Qaida is bringing back the Victorian period to modern-day Iraq. Bringing it back with a bloody vengeance!

STORY

American commanders cite al-Qaida's severe brand of Islam, which is so extreme that in Baqouba, al-Qaida has warned street vendors not to place tomatoes beside cucumbers because the vegetables are different genders, Col. David Sutherland said.

First vegetables lying together in sin, then women will want to go to school and exercise their right to vote! Clearly this is fevered madness, driven by the corrupting influence of the West!

Pst! I've got a secret. Tomatoes are self-pollinating, which means they don't have gender. It's worse than al-Qaida feared! Tomatoes aren't hetero, tomatoes aren't even gay. They're asexual!

We should definitely stone the heathen tomatoes to death, for their completely natural "unnatural" lifestyle.