Effected Season Disorder

My internal clock is going nuts. It's cold and blustery every day. Today, a cold rain fell from gray skies practically all day. Even now, I hear the rain hitting the windows.

But I can't get through my head that it's April. The light stays longer and longer. It's still visible even past eight in the evening now. But it's cold, and feels like fall. I'm not used to it being 6:00 and windy, and still have two more hours of daylight.

The good thing about all this is I've been able to be comfortable for a while longer. I've set a few more fires in my fireplace, which is just about my favorite thing to do. Ever. Last week, I sat for hours watching the fire, and accomplishing nothing. Not that I wasn't busy, mind! Staring at a fire in a quiet room allows my mind to go into overdrive and I get to think about all the things I put to the side, ordinarily.

So I thought all the things I've been putting off, for one reason or another. Funny how it can all pile up on you, just like if you put the daily newspaper in a pile on the floor. Eventually, the pile will tip over and remind you how long it's been since you took out the recycling.

It's a strange thing to be all by yourself and thinking a lot. While I was staring at the fire, the rest of the world dropped away. The sound of the refrigerator vanished, the sound of the heater stopped, the traffic outside faded away. Soon, even the fire I was looking at disappeared. I'm not sure what I was looking at, but it was something far away. In the same way my brain shut off the recognition of audio, it also disconnected the visual. My eyes were open, but I couldn't have told you what was in front of them.

Every while, I'd surface again. Time to move my feet, they're falling asleep. Time to move myself, sitting too close to the fire. Time to get a drink of water, I'm apparently very thirsty. But when the need of the moment was met, it was back to focusing on the fire and then focusing past the fire.

Of course, the problem with just thinking is it never really resolves anything. We can ruminate all we like on the issues in our mind, but even if we come to a conclusion about the course of action, it's still without purpose until we actually DO the think we put so much thought into.

I've got some serious problems making that last part work.