May, It Be

It's that time of year again. The end of the academic year is here, and everyone's off to do their sundry summer activities.

It means change. And sometimes we hate change. I know I tend to get extremely comfortable in my routine. No doubt it's because I like what I'm doing. But even so, some aspects of change are melancholy.

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To my suprise, I'm going to be playing host to a bachelor party tomorrow. Not very many people and not for long (just a stopover on the way to something else), but enough to whip me into a cleaning frenzy.

That makes three friends getting married this summer. Our relationships take such interesting and twisted pathways. Not one of these couples has taken the "express lane" to a marriage. Not to imply that I know anyone who's had a "typical" relationship. Far from it.

Recent conversations about relationships made me ponder some things. For one, placing the burden of "deserving" me on someone else just isn't right. It's easy for me to say, "Try to be worthy," but it sure seems like it's just a hands-off way of shifting the blame. If she can't pass the muster, then I can just say, "I gave you a chance. Too bad you wasted it," allowing me to feel good about myself, and also placing the problem on her. "If she'd been more [whatever], then the relationship would have been right. As it was, I tried to do something, but she let me down."

Yuck. Even writing that makes me feel uncomfortable. I can't imagine actually saying it to someone. On a much brighter note, a room full of intelligent, emotionally stable people sure makes for good conversation, even about uncomfortable topics.

It's really something to see parts of myself in someone who I initially think isn't like me at all. It's a little like looking in a mirror, only with 3-D action! It tends to keep me quiet, upon observing a quality I critique in someone else and realizing I have it, too.