A Beautiful Woman's Geis

One of my good friends has a serious social problem. This problem effects all aspects of her interaction with people. Few days go by before she is once again reminded of her liability.

She's beautiful.

Seriously and profoundly gorgeous, even. She receives a lot of attention because of it, and a lot of that attention is negative. No woman I know is more likely to provoke an after-the-fact response than she, just by virtue of passing through a room.

To be certain, many of the guys are single, and who better to reflect on a beautiful woman? But some people have girlfriends and wives, yet still they comment. This used to trouble me, but I've shoved it aside in the past few years. I think part of it has to do with fitting in. Nobody wants to hear about how much people love their wives; that sort of talk inspires envy in other men. But everyone can rally around the idea of appraising a woman who nobody has a chance at. There's a (reluctant) distance of impartiality. So when all men, single or otherwise, can put their heads together and agree on something, it creates bonding.

I'm sure there's an element of "fly on the wall" wistfulness when we think about the conversations that the other sex has once we leave the room. We all have a curiosity to know what the other gender thinks about us. From my experience, men only vocalize physical appreciation when amongst other men. You will hear "Wow, does she fit into that sweater!", not "Did you hear how efficiently she gave directions?"

Interestingly, some men do have more mundane appreciations of women's non-physical characteristics, but the men must be prompted before they'll reveal them. "She seemed really nice" and "it's flattering that she shows interest in me" and "man, she's smart... and shouldn't consider someone like me" may get thought, but remain unvoiced. It's a pride thing, I bet.

So back to my friend. Whether she knows it or not, she leaves lots of lustful guys in her wake. Many is the time she's passed left a small conversation only to have one of the guys look longingly at her retreating figure, mumbling something lecherous. This sort of talk annoys me in a way I have a hard time defining: she's not my sister nor my girlfriend, but I still feel guys should keep those sort of comments to themselves. It seems very rude to me, especially considering the comments are only directed to the other guys, who are supposed to nod reflectively, adding their own similes.

I'm not immune to her effects, by any means. It's not that her looks are intimidating, as I often hear beautiful women described. I feel no intimidation or subjugation. What I do feel is distracted when I try to have a conversation with her. Honestly, I just haven't been around that many beautiful people, so it's rather difficult to ignore when it's two feet from my face. In addition, there is something inherently flattering, too. Here she is, talking to me: aren't I lucky! I assumed it was far better odds that she would NOT talk to me, so here I am, beating the spread!

I realize that this whole article skirts the edge of satire, but I'm trying to be serious about this; it is a problem for her. She's mentioned to me that she feels continual scrutiny during her day. She can feel the eyes of the world staring at her when her back is turned. She can't help hearing the rapid intake of breath if she bends over to pick up a notebook, even though when she turns around, no one is looking at her. She can't go anywhere or do anything without it being examined.

I must admit a certain perverse pleasure in eating with her in restaurants, because one can't help but laugh when people start taking the long way to the bathroom just to pass by the table. Or to scan around the room and count the number of eyes I can see looking back in our general direction. I would imagine this phenomena is like a small-scale version of what it's like to eat dinner with a celebrity, and have the entire cafe wondering if they're seeing the girl who did that thing in that movie; you know, the movie with the horse and talking cow?

So how does she escape? She puts on a pair of sunglasses and a nondescript jacket. Then she vanishes from the plateau of Aphrodite into the crowds of middle-America. Obviously, when she tries to look presentable, there's nothing she can do to stop people from talking about her and staring. There are people who like watching her rummage in her locker, and drink from the water fountain, and push an audio/visual cart around, and a ton of other completely harmless and non-sexual things. She's the sort of person who probably gets her picture taken surreptitiously by camera phones often, without even realizing.

Perhaps part of the allure is that everyone knows she's totally committed to her current boyfriend, and really has eyes only for him. She's a safe target because she's completely unavailable. Strangely, there's been very little envy directed towards this fellow, possibly because he's a good guy and nobody wants to be "that guy" who tries to steal someone from someone else.

But knowing today's society, I think that might be a foolishly optimistic appraisal. Just yesterday, a friend was telling the story of how his girlfriend cheated on him with his ex-best friend. He had a host of names for her, but "The Scavenger" is the only one I can recall that didn't have swearing in it. She's accounted to be a beauty, this "Scavenger", but all he sees in her now are the lies. Eye of the beholder, indeed.

NOTE: The picture accompanying this entry is a painting depicting a rusalka. The rusalka is a spirit from Slavic folklore who lives in a lake or river, enticing men to their doom with her unnatural beauty.