Monday, May 07, 2007

Don't weep for me, for I am already dead.

I'm not sure what to say about Paris Hilton. She's a uniquely American "Frankenstein's monster". All of her popularity and notoriety stems from one thing: she's rich. That's it. Rather like Donald Trump, she's famous primarily because she has a lot of money. Consider all of her other endeavors: she's tried being an actress (cue "The Simple Life" collage. Remember that show? Fox Television sure doesn't).

She's tried being a businesswoman, having recently launched her own perfume, called "Paris Hilton Perfume by Paris Hilton". You, dear reader, can insert your own joke about what it must smell like. I'm intrigued to smell this product, because the website lists the scent as including overtones of "Frozen Apple, Peach Nectar, Wet Ozone, Sparkling Muguet, Freesia, Mimosa, Jasmine, Tuberose, Skin Musk, Sandalwood, Ylang Ylang, Oakmoss, Pheromone". Sounds like a lot of weird stuff fighting to gain your attention. Sounds like... nevermind. (Too easy.) Also, it only lists "pheromone" as an ingredient, without specifying which species or even (in the case of humans) which sex. Use with caution. $20 for 0.5 oz.

She's tried being a singer. I'm not really qualified to analyze pop music, since it's often done with pitch and tone modulation. I did have an interesting time in the recording booth being shown that my voice could be modulated to sing in tune, even when I was trying hard not to. After that demonstration, I'm convinced anyone can sing for MTV.

She's also listed variously as a "supermodel". I don't think she's at all alluring, and the fact that she has bedroom eyes even at 8:30 in the morning at a charity function bothers me. She's skinny, I suppose, and that's usually enough to be considered a model. Oh, and she has a very prominent jawline (also apparently important in a model), but that might just be a side effect of low weight.

Anyway, she's back in the news! Actually, she never LEFT the news, because people forget about you if you step out of the public light. And I'm sure she doesn't want that. She's in the news now because she was arrested for drunk driving in January. Her license was suspended for three years. In February, she was driving without headlights, pulled over, and (when it was discovered that she lacked a legal license) her car impounded. She drives a Bentley, by the way. I looked at a Bentley dealership, and I can buy a used 2001 Bentley sedan for $127,000. A used 2007 sedan goes for $269,000. Cup holders and power windows are probably extra.

The district attorney pressed charges, and she was arraigned. During the hearing, she testified that her publicist had told her that the terms of her suspension allowed her to drive to work-related activities. She also does not read her own mail, so legal notices and agreements went unseen by her. She also said she didn't have time to meet with her attorneys to discuss the terms of the original license suspension. That argument didn't fly with the judge, so she blamed her publicist and fired him. To make a long story short (too late!), she was convicted and must spend 45 days in jail. She has called her forthcoming imprisonment "cruel and unwarranted." SOURCE

Fanatics I mean.. fans are already filling her MySpace page with support. But it's all useless. I mean, once she goes to jail, that will be it. We'll never hear from her again. I mean, whatever happened to Martha Stewart? Nobody knows!

I think the reason why this whole thing bothers me goes back to my fascination with superheroes. That sound you hear is my readers collectively tilting their head to the side and thinking, "What?" but stick with me.

When a person has superpowers, they are expected to manage them wisely. Even though Superman can have supersonic wind whenever he exhales, if he's whistling on the street corner, the building across the street doesn't tear loose and land in New Jersey. And when he's fighting giant lizards, he doesn't just pick up people's cars to use as weapons because they're handy. Responsibility!

In today's society, having a smaktillion dollars is rather like having a superpower. People possessed of that kind of money can do lots of things that no one else can do. But with that power comes responsibility. For example, if you can spend $200,000+ to purchase an automobile, then I bet you can spend $40,000 a year to HIRE A DRIVER to drive you around WHEN YOUR LICENSE IS SUSPENDED.

It's this lack of common sense and a certain tendency to replace humility with pride that worries me about some people. I mean, if she thought she could drive anywhere that was "work related", and she currently works at music, fragrance development, handbag design, wearing strange clothes, and lifting champagne glasses, then I suppose it does make some sense that she could drive just about whenever she feels like. But that's a lot of "if's", and one would hope that her parents would have instilled in her the ability to understand responsibility and encourage their daughter to show a little composure.

Although, Paris' mother Kathy was at the court session, and when the verdict was handed down, she spoke to the lead prosecutor, saying "I want your autograph. This is pathetic." SOURCE

So maybe Mom isn't the one to give finishing school lessons.


  1. Martha currently has a morning cooking show, unfortunately its on at the same time as TPIR, so no one watches it, heh.

  2. You hit the nail on the head, Dr. Andy. ‘Being Responsible’, ‘Displaying Humility’, and ‘Learning to Make Decisions with Your Head’ instruction manuals should be given to anyone who pays someone to read their mail. It is endlessly fascinating to me that folks can spend hundreds of thousands on cars, tens of millions on houses, and hundreds of millions on planes or yachts.

    Yes, I hear you saying that the money is theirs to spend. I must ask you, however, how a human being (which we all are!) spend money like that and be able to look at themselves in the mirror. People on Earth are still hungry in 2007. People on Earth still do not have clean water to drink, cook or bathe with in 2007.

    A teacher will work 100x harder than Paris Hilton. A teacher can contribute 100x more to society than Paris Hilton. Guess which one drives a Dodge Stratus or the like.

  3. She says that it is cruel - but if you look at it, driving 70 in a 35 zone, after dark, without headlights on, and no license... it seems like 45 days might actually be generous on their part.

  4. errr.. 70 in a 25 zone

  5. Considering the sex tape fiasco she recovered from, I don't think 45 days in jail will result in her disappearing from the public eye. I think she's a fixed fixture, unfortunately!