Troubled Students

I'm doing some heavy-duty thinking about a student who started lessons with me recently. He's sullen, and has confessed that he doesn't really like playing. That's fine. In fact, at a certain point, I'd say that's normal. But it is difficult to listen to him talking, because I feel his oppressive parents in the background.

At the first lesson, his mother asked if she could sit and listen. Actually, she didn't ask, she just sort of said, "I'll be in the corner." The room I teach in isn't very big, so... Then, after about 10 minutes (of the half-hour lesson), she left. This means that I met with her approval. Or possibly that my discussion of mouthpiece buzzing bored her into flight. There's only so many times you can hear the word embouchure before you start to look for the exits.

In that first lesson, the student grudgingly talked about how he doesn't want it (the horn) to interfere with his social life. I might call B.S. on that, except that he doesn't seem like the sort of kid who HAS a social life. It sets off a flag. Then I ask about his name. It says "Tommy" on the sheet (not his real name for the purposes of this story). "So," I say. "Do you want to be Tommy or Tom?"

"Tommy. Why, did my mom say that?" He looked EXTREMELY distrustful. Err...what? He's been there for as much contact that I've had with his mom. I may have unwittingly touched a nerve. I told him that I just didn't know what he wanted to be called, since the store doesn't always get it right. He just sort of shrugged and said, "My mom likes to say things."

When he was telling me he didn't like his instrument, I caught myself. I had started to say, "Well, I don't want to give you advice, but...." And I stopped. I was about to give advice! I know that speech when it comes out of my own mouth. Usually, when people come talking to me and show all these symptoms, they are looking for advice (or at least confirmation). I'm sure that's what he was looking for, but I stopped. This really isn't my place. I just met the kid, and I don't want to give him any ammo against his parents. "Well, the trombone teacher said I could try experimental drugs! So I did!"

With all this in mind, I finished my thought. "I don't want to give you advice, so I won't." He seemed dissastisfied, but I did what I felt I needed to do. But I kept on thinking about it. Where do you draw the line? How do I help him? DO I help him? I realize it's not my job as brass teacher to give them psychological work-ups, but there's something in me that just doesn't sit right. Doing nothing when this kid is not happy....it's hard for me to deal with.

Today he came to lesson escorted by both mom and dad, who came into the store with him. I was reminded of the prison guards escorting someone between them, trussed in leg shackles.