Pacing in circles

I've spent all evening (since I got home from rehearsal) doing the same things. Going through the same pattern of websites. Waiting for something to change.

Isn't it funny how we can expect certain things to happen? I have no reason to believe that anything out of the ordinary is going to happen tonight (election night notwithstanding), but I still feel this need to keep checking my email accounts. I haven't sent anything terribly important lately that I'm expecting an answer to, yet still I hover.

Is it weird to be anticipating something but not know what it is? How can I look forward to something if I'm not expecting anything? I'm seriously confused.

Or maybe I do know, deep in my heart of hearts. In James Clavell's novel "Shogun," one of the characters refers to the medieval Japanese as having three hearts. One they wear on the outside to show to everyone, one in the mouth that only your close friends and family see, and a third that is hidden from everyone but yourself.

Am I waiting for something that I can't admit? The idea confuses me. And what happens when what I'm waiting for doesn't happen? Does it change me?

Or do I go back to walking in circles and waiting...

Comments

  1. Heh, we were talking about sending something to you last night, but it wouldn't come in an e-mail. Oh yeah, I may need your mailing address. :-)

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  2. Hmmm....I punched you last night, but I guess that wasn't quite what you're waiting for. Have you been reading "Waiting for Godot?" lately? I have a bi-lingual copy if you want.

    Joking aside, I'm sorry you can't quite pin it down. Let me know if I can help with anything.

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  3. woa, that is kinda eerie--my friend Jenni just put up a post about waiting too.....maybe it's something in the air....

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