Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I think I just got rejected by a computer!

While I was writing the previous entry, an email arrived from one of the companies I've applied for in the last few days.

SUBJECT: Job Status Update

Dear Andrew,

You recently applied for a position with Inflatable Sex Dolls-R-Us. At this time, we are moving our selection process forward with those candidates whose backgrounds and skills are most closely related to our needs.

We appreciate your interest in employment opportunities with Sex Dolls-R-Us and wish you success in your career endeavors.

Sincerely, Human Resources

I guess I can assume this is a computerized rejection letter. It's not particularly definitive, though, and that will end up making me more angry if time shows that this is a brush-off note. Other companies have sent letters that leave no doubt whatsoever. "At this time, we've decided to chose a candidate with skills more aligned to our current focus" or something like that.

This letter is kind of a non-letter. "Be aware that things are happening. If you are one of the people who things are happening to, then further things may happen, in addition to the things that happened hereunto."

It seems to me like the computer is treating me like a very thick friend.

Computer: Ahem! Everyone who signed up for kickball, please pay attention.
Andy: Ooo, that's me.
C: We value your interest in playing kickball.
A: Umm, thanks?
C: Hopefully, you will do well at playing kickball in the future.
A: But... what about the present?
C: In the present, we are following the standards established for "good" kickball players.
A: Does that include me?
C: We are selecting players who match our standards to move forward in the picking process.
A: Like me, right? Otherwise, wouldn't you just say I wasn't needed?
C: [fixes Andy with an intense digital stare, speaking very slowly] Here. Are. Some. Other. Teams. Needing. Players.
A: Thanks. I think I got it.
C: We appreciate that you thought you could get in. It happens to many humans.

If this is a rejection letter, they need to rework it. If this is a "hang tight" letter, they REALLY need to rework it.

[sigh] I knew I should have bought a box of digital cookies for that computer.

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