"My Mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun"

--Sonnet CXXX, William Shakespeare

If you're looking for my analysis on Sonnet 130, please look HERE.

I had a conversation with a lady the other day. She was distressed because she'd just left a relationship with a bad guy. She came to me and asked me to defend my gender. Perhaps she was thinking of becoming a nun and "abjure for ever the society of men." I doubt it, but I couldn't help using that quote. More likely she's disappointed because of trust. She trusted this guy not to be a jerk, but he was anyway. Often, it's the broken trust that makes breakups so hard and makes them hurt so much.

She asked me what men want from women and in a woman. This isn't the sort of question I can answer easily. All people are different, and everyone wants different things. The best I could do for her was offer her an answer which sounds trite, but also might be true. At least, it's true for me. DISCLAIMER: This article follows my point of view. If this is true for other relationship types, I'm a genius. If it's not true, then the problem is my narrow experience.

Ready?

Men want an attractive girl who will smile at them.

Like I said, it's trite. Surely people want something deeper than that, right? Who does Doctor Andy think he's fooling? Doesn't he rail on and on about not judging on appearances? Women smiled at me all day long, but that was only because my zipper was down! I don't want them just smiling at me. That's tantamount to laughing at me.

You've got me there. It turns out it's not just any smile. What I'm talking about it a specific kind of smile; a certain way of smiling. I'm lucky, because I know what to look for. I can see it and recognize it when it happens. I might be misleading you a little: it's not just one particular smile. There's a whole range of smiles that fit in this category and each conveys a subtle meaning. They do have some things in common, however.

1) They are never intentional. This particular smile is impossible to get right if you're thinking about it. I don't mean that you have to "accidently" smile (if such a thing is possible). The "smile-er" must smile as a genuine response to something.

2) They are never sarcastic. These smiles have a true meaning. Any smile with even slightly disguised intent is not part of this set.

3) They contain at least some percentage of "wonder." Wonder is a sort of positive surprise, but it contains no shock. It has no hard edges or stress. When in a state of wonder, most of the facial muscles are relaxed.

4) They contain a certain percentage of "attraction." This relates to my earlier statement about having an attractive girl smile at you. I make a distinction between someone who is "pretty" and one who is "attractive." For me, "pretty" is a transferable description. Someone who is pretty is generally acknowledged to be physically appealing. For example, there's a girl I know at school. She is almost universally labeled as "pretty." If I were to convene a panel of experts (men and women), they would acknowledge that her appearance exhibits much of what society labels beautiful.

But "attractive" is something else. I can try to explain why I find someone attractive, but part of me will never be able to describe it. This is the distinction that marks certain people, and brings them out of the "pretty" crowd. In fact, they may not even belong to the crowd. They may not be considered appealing by the masses, but something about them attracts me.

I can try to explain the attraction ("...look at that skin...beautiful eyes...did you see how fast she drank that milkshake?"), but there will always be something else that I cannot explain. Something that will not come into words. I will forever be trying to speak it, but be unable. "And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare // as any she belied with false compare."

So that's what a man wants. He wants a girl to smile at him. If he's lucky, he'll see it every once in a while from a girl, and it will be the best thing that happened that day. If he's deserving, he'll see it everyday from the girl he loves.