A Surprise Affection

I was out to dinner tonight and the topic turned to love and affection. I mentioned that with relationships that where I am the instigating party, it usually happens that the notion of a relationship initially takes me by surprise.

To this, my dinner companion displayed a very skeptical face (rather like the image above) and asked me to explain. I gathered my thoughts and took a breath... and realized I probably couldn't. Trying to describe the inner workings of a person's mind to another is an exercise in futility or ridicule, not unlike trying to explain why a nightmare was scary. Something is lost in the translation.

But I tried my best. I told her that the moment I realize is usually when I make a decision differently than I would have if I wasn't attracted. That my feelings catch me off guard, because I do something in a completely foreign way. It is enough to cause my brain to jolt and try to figure out why the response is different.

And then the thunderbolt hits. And I realize I've been there for no small amount of time.