Is it an Atypical Result, or A Typical one?

While I visiting my family, I was allowed to indulge in a great luxury I don't have at my place: satellite TV. There's not much on, in case you're wondering. But I finally got to sit down and watch the Food Network.

For years, friends have been looking at me with sad eyes and shaking their heads when they find out I've never seen the Food Network. Many times, I sucked the wind out of people's cooking stories ("I made this just like I saw" or "I never would have thought to use garlic and strawberries together!") by admitting that I didn't know what shows they were talking about. A friend who was very active in the meal planning industry in greater Orlando once rattled of a list of chefs, many of whom had shows on the network. I'd never heard of any of them. I think she recommended I watch more TV.

In any case, I can see why people love it. I'm already hooked on the PBS cooking shows. When Ming Tsai makes a cocktail using crystallized ginger root, I'm off to the store. So a TV channel I can turn on and get new recipe ideas is really something amazing.

While watching, I realized several things:

1. Many dishes are Italian-based. Tomatoes, garlic, and onions seem to be everywhere.

2. Rachel Ray talks a lot with her hands. My brother watched a bit of a show with me while he was preparing to go out running. We both laughed at how much she moves her hands at the beginning of her show, before she has any ingredients. I thought maybe it came from doing so many cooking programs where she has to use her hands to prepare continuously while talking fast. My brother hinted that she looked like she was halfway to signing for her deaf-audience, or possibly directing planes to their appropriate gates on the tarmac.

3. I didn't see any shows on preparing serious fancy feasts. Everything was simple, or cheap, or easy. No multi-part shows on how to prepare a seven-course meal.

4. Based on the commercials, guys don't watch this network.

Speaking of commercials, I saw one that caught my eye for the NutriSystem diet. This is a program where the company ships food to you, freeze-dried and portioned, and you eat the healthy stuff in small portions and lose weight.

They had a pretty lady with large breasts talking about how she gained all this weight during her pregnancy, and NutriSystem helped her lose it. Despite the siren call of large breasts directed at me, an Average American Male, I was fascinated with the fine print at the bottom of the screen.

"ATYPICAL RESULT"

Usually I've seen commercials say "Results not typical" or something similar. All-caps and an oddly spaced font made it almost seem like it was saying "A TYPICAL RESULT". Tricky!

"Client has been remunerated" Holy vocab euphemism, Batman! Often shown as "compensated for their consideration" or "subject receives monetary compensation", it all boils down to "company pays lady for appearing in commercial". I suppose it looks better to be fancy. Next week, I'm going to demand that I receive a "fiduciary remuneration from the Exchequer", instead of my bland old "paycheck".

"Results not typical". What a great line! This is like watching an ad featuring a lottery winner, then saying "this doesn't usually happen". What do you suppose they consider the "typical" result is? Is it someone who only loses 5 pounds in 5 weeks? Is it someone who sticks to the meals for two days, then abandons the rest of the diet as "too much work"? I'm very curious.

I should say that I have a friend who has currently lost 45-some odd pounds using this system over the last few months. She complains that there's little variety. She complains that it's expensive. She complains that she can eat four of the little pizzas, but she's only SUPPOSED to eat one. But for all this complaining, she's losing weight.

Your results may vary.