Everyone and everything imaginable

Here's a YouTube video that contains a radio ad against same sex marriage in Hawaii. It's paid for by the Hawaii Republican Assembly SuperPAC.




A partial transcription:

"Some people think homosexual marriage in Hawaii will not affect them. If you are one of those people, please think again. The current push for homosexual marriage is not about marriage at all. That's right: the lie of so-called marriage equality is merely a stepping stone to have government forcibly legitimize and normalize all sorts of deviant behavior. Terrible consequences will affect everyone and everything imaginable, forever. Do you want schools to teach your five-year-old all about the gay/lesbian lifestyle, or have your child going to a school with gender-neutral bathrooms. Do you want your church forced to marry homosexuals? Do you want to see local business people repeatedly forced to violate their faith?"

Apocalyptic, right? I made it without laughing for at least three sentences, but one particular sentence just had me guffawing.

"Terrible consequences will affect everyone and everything imaginable, forever."

Now that is some serious business. Everything and everyone will be affected? FOREVER? Cats in Borneo? Bacteria in space? The works of Proust, when translated into Swedish? The mathematical implications of the quadratic equation? The color cyan? The rakish angle of Humphrey Bogart's homburg in "Casablanca?" My cell phone reception backstage at the Kauffman center? The pronunciation of the schwa sound in English?

ALL AFFECTED.
FOREVER.

My stars and garters! This really is dire.