Friday, February 27, 2009

Research.... yeah.... sure.

"Excuse me, Facebook User....err, Research Subject: my name is Dr. Albert Scientist. I'm doing important research on research about things, and am in no way any sort of plant or shill. This is a purely scientific study. Please answer truthfully, as it would throw off the research otherwise.






Now, I'd like to ask a few follow up questions.

Are you aware that men's turtlenecks are being offered at the amazing price of two for $22?

O - I AM AWARE OF WHAT A GREAT DEAL THAT IS

O - NO, I HAD NO IDEA THAT SUCH A GREAT DEAL IS CURRENTLY OFFERED


Did you know that you'd be scientifically classified as a fool to miss this one-day sale?

O - YES, I DID KNOW THAT, SO I'M HALFWAY TO THE STORE ALREADY

O - NO, I HAD NO IDEA, BUT THE SHAME WILL INDUCE ME TO THE SALE NOW


What is your unbiased opinion of the fine Banana Republic clothing chain?

O - POSITIVE, I WORSHIP THEM AS MY NEW GOD-KINGS

O - NEGATIVE, I LACK EVEN THE BASIC FUNDS TO PERMIT ME TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE GLORIOUS SALES, BUT I DO NOT BLAME THE STORE. ONLY I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR THE NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE OF NOT BEING ABLE TO BUY NICE, REASONABLY-PRICED THINGS.

O - UNDECIDED, IN THAT I CANNOT DECIDE HOW MANY OF MY CHILDREN TO SACRIFICE FOR BETTER DEALS. IF I OFFER FRANKIE AND JIMMY, I MAY GET THEM TO THROW IN AN EXTRA PAIR OF SLACKS.

Thank you for your participation in this Research Poll, which was in no way an advertisement. As scientists doing research, we don't know if Banana Republic is having a one day sale, so you should probably just stop by your local store, just in case. In the name of science and stuff."

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