Business as usual. (Emphasis on Business)

I'm sure you all remember the ex-revered Ted Haggard. He was the fellow who headed the New Life evangelical super-size church in Colorado, headed the National Association of Evangelicals, talked to President Bush every week, and still found time to appear in the "Jesus Camp" documentary.

Then, Old Scratch (the Christian devil) played him a merry tune, and turned him gay, or rather made him vulnerable to temporarily choosing to be gay and doing gay things. And he did turn his back on God and went off and did gay things, like buying a pastel-colored car, or watching those guys on "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" and criticizing THEIR outfits.

Or something. I'm not really clear on what gay people do that makes them all that different from straight people, but it's okay; the New Life church doesn't seem that clear on the matter, either. That's why after paying for a gay prostitute to perform "massages" and sell him drugs, Mr. Haggard admitted to an unmentioned "sexual immorality". So after months of grueling therapy committee meetings, the church leadership announced that their former pastor is 100% not gay. They're not letting him have his job back, or anything, because they're trying to run a business! But now he's got the "100% not gay" stamp somewhere under his left ear, just in case anyone needs him for some job where you just can't be gay. Like the military. Or president of Focus on the Family.

Anyway, Mr. Haggard isn't back in the news, but the church he helped found is. The New Life church says that, while there was a bit of a drop in attendance coincidently around the time of the unpleasantness, they're fine, they're all fine here now. How are you?

From Reuters via Yahoo:

"Weekly attendance has dipped a bit since the dismissal of pastor Haggard but the bottom has not fallen out and we have had a comparatively smaller drop in revenue," said associate pastor Rob Brendle, a view echoed by other church leaders.

Oh, good. Good thing revenue hasn't dropped very far. After all, a church is responsible to its shareholders to turn a profit. Oh, wait....

Don't worry about the church and the money, though. I'm sure that they can afford to buy an extra big needle to squeeze their "100% not gay" camel through.